"It is a tradition passed down through my family. Every year my husband and I start faking a cough around the same time and all the sudden, the whole neighborhood is 'Sick'." - an insider told HWG Radio. (she chose to remain nameless). " Our kids are even in on it. They recently started a twitter trend warning people that 'the flu is coming" and sure enough... sick people everywhere."
Not everyone knows this is all a fake, however. "I get my flu shot every year so i don't have to worry about it" said a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. "I am not getting that poor peoples disease.I don't have time to cough."
Scientists everywhere are baffled, as they thought, for sure, that the flu was a real thing. "I am baffled...I thought, for sure, that the flu was a real thing." said a scientist.
The cause of this nation wide hoax is still up in the air... "We think, as soon as someone hears 'flu' they automatically go into Paid Time Off mode. There is also the shared ideology that laying in bed all day is awesome.. which, it kinda is." a source told HWG Radio. "Middle Class Americans are lazy as shit... so lazy, in fact, that they fake an epidemic every single year. My boss has no idea, and I get a week off to play Call of Duty."
47 states have reported regional or widespread outbreaks. And according to a recent poll, 29 states are freaking the fuck out...
"Its Just about everywhere," said Jeffery Shaman, a professor at Columbia Univ.'s Mailman School of Public Health. "Its a very intense transmission season , probably the most intense we've seen in decades"
"Its Just about everywhere," said Jeffery Shaman, a professor at Columbia Univ.'s Mailman School of Public Health. "Its a very intense transmission season , probably the most intense we've seen in decades"
"That guy is full of shit." our insider told us. "Mailman School of Public Health? Is that an online school or something?"
We asked one man if he faked the flu and his response may shock you... "Yes" he said.
Not everyone knows this is all a fake, however. "I get my flu shot every year so i don't have to worry about it" said a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. "I am not getting that poor peoples disease.I don't have time to cough."
Sources tell us even Walgreen's and CVS are in on it. "We have been pumping sugar water into people for years!" said a former Walgreen's employee. "Flu vaccine? HAHA get a clue people."
It seems even the Doctors are in on it. "I am not at liberty to say if the flu is fake, but i will say, that trip to Cabo in March won't pay for itself, if you know what I mean. HAHAHAHA... Yes I capitalize off of dumb people of course. It's the American Dream." A Pennsylvania Doctor told HWG Radio.
It's hard to imagine the millions of people taking part in this elaborate hoax without someone catching on. "A Fox affiliate came close, but because it was on fox, no one really listened to it, thankfully." Our insider told us. "How long is this interview going to last... I have an entire day of jack shit to do, I'm out sick with the flu. LOL"
You may be wondering how we got this source to talk. Well, lets just say, it got weird.
More news as it comes in.
-HWG
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