Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Eagles doing everything right, leaving fans outraged.

The Philadelphia Eagles announced Wednesday that former Oregon Ducks coach, Chip Kelly, will take over as the Birds Head Hancho. "Chip Kelly will be an outstanding head coach for the eagles." Eagles owner Jeffery Lurie said of the new coach. " He has a brilliant football mind."

"What makes Howie Roseman think we want to be back in the playoffs already? One eagles fan told HWG Radio. "Does he not see how much fun we are having bitching about this franchise? It's the only thing that has been keeping me going lately." 

 Eagles fans are lashing out all over social media about the hiring of Chip Kelly. "I hate Chip Kelly. This sucks!" said one Eagles Fan, "No one in this town is ready to be good again. We were hoping for a Gruden or a Cower to come in here for 2 or 3 years and continue on the same path we were going on for the past 100 years. Have you seen how miserable people are in Boston? We don't want that here. And now were gonna be in the playoffs all the time and have nothing to bitch about..."  

Chip Kelly boasts a 6-2 record against Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll from his time at Oregon, the same Harbaugh and Carroll who came out of the PAC 12 and took their young teams to the playoffs this year with 2 QBs who were starting for the first time in the NFL.

One Eagles Fan isn't buying the Chip Kelly Hype...

"Yea there are some similarities between Chip Kelly and those guys, but so what." "Yes, OK, so these two former PAC-12 coaches took over teams that were in great sports cities but were having bad years. They developed their young talent and used an overall disciplined, Team First approach.  Both Coaches developed young talent at the QB position. And they were both in the playoffs this year. But what does any of that have to do with Philadelphia..."

To us, at Here We Go Radio, it seems the fan base of the Eagles are angry, but why? The formula for success in this era seems to be written on the wall and the Eagles are following it perfectly.

How to turn a sub par team into a playoff team.

Step 1. Fire a stale NFL Coach.
Step 2: Bring in young talent at the QB Position. 

 Step 3: Bring in a great college coach, preferably from the PAC 12


Step 4: Make the Playoffs.  



So why all of the push back?

"It's not our time! No one in Philly is ready for a Football Championship. We are much happier spending our break time bitching about our coach and quarterback than we would ever be celebrating a Superbowl. Now we have a promising QB and a great coach? No, no no no no! It's too much! Chip Kelly was the best option for Philly. He made the most sense, especially with the way Carroll and Harbaugh took their teams to the playoffs. And thats why it was such a bad move. What are we supposed to talk about all day... how happy we are?  F that!" -Ed Rendell

It seems that Philly is doing everything right for a change, and the Eagles fans just dont like it. We will see how the season plays out, but it seems like the old way of cheering for the Eagles may be ending.


-HWG


Monday, January 14, 2013

Source: Flu Season is a Hoax.

In one of the most elaborate hoaxes in history, Middle Class Americans admit that "Flu Season" is all fake.


"It is a tradition passed down through my family. Every year my husband and I start faking a cough around the same time and all the sudden, the whole neighborhood is 'Sick'." - an insider told HWG Radio. (she chose to remain nameless). " Our kids are even in on it. They recently started a twitter trend warning people that 'the flu is coming" and sure enough... sick people everywhere."


Scientists everywhere are baffled, as they thought, for sure,  that the flu was a real thing. "I am baffled...I thought, for sure, that the flu was a real thing." said a scientist. 


The cause of this nation wide hoax is still up in the air... "We think, as soon as someone hears 'flu' they automatically go into Paid Time Off mode. There is also the shared ideology that laying in bed all day is awesome.. which, it kinda is." a source told HWG Radio. "Middle Class Americans are lazy as shit... so lazy, in fact, that they fake an epidemic every single year. My boss has no idea, and I get a week off to play Call of Duty." 

47 states have reported regional or widespread outbreaks. And according to a recent poll, 29 states are freaking the fuck out...

"Its Just about everywhere," said Jeffery Shaman, a professor at Columbia Univ.'s Mailman School of Public Health. "Its a very intense transmission season , probably the most intense we've seen in decades" 

"That guy is full of shit." our insider told us. "Mailman School of Public Health? Is that an online school or something?"  

We asked one man if he faked the flu and his response may shock you... "Yes" he said. 

Not everyone knows this is all a fake, however. "I get my flu shot every year so i don't have to worry about it" said a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. "I am not getting that poor peoples disease.I don't have time to cough." 

Sources tell us even Walgreen's and CVS are in on it. "We have been pumping sugar water into people for years!" said a former Walgreen's employee. "Flu vaccine? HAHA get a clue people." 


It seems even the Doctors are in on it. "I am not at liberty to say if the flu is fake, but i will say, that trip to Cabo in March won't pay for itself, if you know what I mean. HAHAHAHA... Yes I capitalize off of dumb people of course. It's the American Dream." A Pennsylvania Doctor told HWG Radio. 

It's hard to imagine the millions of people taking part in this elaborate hoax without someone catching on. "A Fox affiliate came close, but because it was on fox, no one really listened to it, thankfully." Our insider told us. "How long is this interview going to last... I have an entire day of jack shit to do, I'm out sick with the flu. LOL" 

You may be wondering how we got this source to talk. Well, lets just say, it got weird.


More news as it comes in. 

-HWG



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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Sources point to key sources being the real source of all of the recent sorcery.

Late Wednesday night, the news started circulating about a possible change, and it wasn't long after that, that the rumors started flying about a drastic move involving multiple parties. "We can't give out the source, but we have reason to believe there could be a person, place or thing involved that we may not even know about yet." Our insider told us. "This could be HUGE!"

A source close to the source of all of this new information, cited a close source to the actual source of the issue. "Sources are talking." A local source said Friday, "And they are telling me a lot. Be ready for some big time breaking news."

We dropped in on a meeting of league officials who had heard from a source close to the teams that a key player in the carousel may or may not have found a destination. "It's hard to say at this point, but we have people on the ground who know exactly what is going on and and are keeping us informed. When the news breaks, you will certainly hear it here first , so be sure to stay glued to my twitter. Remember...you heard it here first... Unless, of course, it's bad information."

This compelling saga seems to finally have some clarity ahead. There seems to be rumblings at the top, and the ripple effect is being felt throughout the league.

The pieces are still coming together but stay posted to our twitter account @herewego_radio for the latest on this always developing story.

-HWG


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Andy Reid de-friends Philly Fans. Roseman is all like "A/S/L" to available coaches.


As 2Gether once taught us, Breaking up is hard enough (ohhhh-oh-oh). But Philly Fans can't seem to let go of Andy Reid. 


Much to the chagrin of Philly Fans,  Andy Reid has de-friended it's long-time love interest, after Philadelphia sports news outlets "wouldn't shut the hell up and hop off his dick." a source close to Reid told HWG Radio. "It went from 'I'm done wit dat MothaF#$%a' to 'Whats he doing now? Does he talk about me? Who is he talking to? Where is he now? Does he miss me?' so he had to do something drastic...something that would let her know that their relationship was done, for good...he had to de-friend her."

We were able to catch up with Philly Fans to get their side of the story...

"We were fighting a lot. He just kept doing the same shit, over and over... All of my besties were like, really supportive... and his mustache was starting to stink." Philly said about Andy, "We dated for 14 years! Do you have any idea what it's like to be with someone for that long and never get a ring? It was sooo embarrassing! All of my friends were getting rings from their skinny good looking men and my fat, stupid BF was just sitting around being stupid. I was like OMG either get me a ring or get out! and he didn't so I changed our status. 


Philly Fans seemed less than satisfied with Andy's time "In" Philly.

  Don't even get me started with his "performance". I thought he would be the first to take me all the way, you know? I mean I've had a couple others who barely knew what they were doing with their pen, but he looked like a guy who could draw up a formation or two if you know what i mean... he came close so many times, maybe that's why i stayed with him for so long... but just like the others, he could never finish. I don't get it! I'm Philly, I'm hot right? Ugh Whatever!"



Philly voiced her opinion about recent rumors floating around twitter...

"I saw he was talking to some super-skanky whore from Scottsdale though. Like, are you kidding me? Scottsdale, really?  I mean, yea we broke up but like that doesn't mean he can just like, go around talking to skanks? I don't know why she wants him anyway. He's like, super gross."


When told former Eagles QB Kevin Kolb is currently a backup in AZ, Philly Fans had this to say...                                                                                                    "Oh... I see... that simple minded, asshole, white trash, wanna be gangster Kevin probably told Andy about Scottsdale. He tried to mess things up between me and Andy a couple years back. He's a worthless, no talent douchebag. He's just gonna bring Andy down, like he tried to do when we were together.  I'm definitely telling my girl Houston about this... She's had a crush on Kevin for years... maybe she will get him out of there before it's too late." 

And finally, after hours of incoherent jargon and hand gestures, the truth came out... along with the tears...


"It's just like, hard you know?  I still love him and  when I saw he blocked me, and I couldn't check on what he was doing, I got really scared, you know?  Yea I may have sent him like 2 texts or whatever,  (Reid's phone records show 82 texts, 30 Direct Messages on Facebook and 19 Snapchats, from Philly Fans in the past 72 hours) but I only wanted to talk. What? So ex's aren't allowed to talk to each other now? God! Then I got a tweet from Shefty that Andy was getting poked by some other team on Facebook  and they were DM'ing and shit, and I'm all like, WTF? Already? SMFH! and Howie is already talking to all these other guys trying to set me up and i don't want to be with any of them, They're all so gross... it's just happening way too fast, I'm like, super stressed. I just wish we could just go back to "It's complicated." 

It seems as if Philly Fans just can't let go of Andy. ESPN reports that Reid has been talking to the Arizona Cardinals about their current vacancy, and they could be "Facebook Official" as early as next week. 

We could not reach Andy for comment but we did catch a tweet that he sent out from his personal account and quickly erased... 

DonnyMac4lyfe: Ya'll ain't shit. Good luck with that nerd Howie Roseman. Gettin myself a Wiz Wit and bouncin'! @LarryFitzgerald here i come, playa! Not 1, Not 2.. ROFL. LMFAO. #Deuces.

More news as it comes in.  -HWG