What i am listening to right now...
The world could end any minute so i figured this would be a good time to just say some things that i probably shouldn't say. But i have to say them or else they will follow me to the land of misfit toys when i die.
#1. YOUR BABY LOOKS LIKE MY SACK!
Why do we lie to each other about their babies? I have seen maybe 4 new born babies that were actually tolerable to look at for more than 3 seconds, yet we tell everyone how BEAUTIFUL their baby is. "OH MY GOSH BETTY...SHE HAS THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE NOSE..." STOP THAT SHIT. you don't think the person who had the baby knows ur bullshitting them? They can see their baby... they should accept the fact that it looks like it was just shoved out of a vagina... its nature. in fact women should be proud of their babies scrunched up head, because that means it was a tighter squeeze to get that thing out... right? Sounds right to me...
If the mother of this child had it in her head that her baby was "the cutest baby in the world" she needs an intervention. You're child is ugly, and it is entirely your fault. (barring any deformities). And don't blame it on God. You decided to bang the slew footed mongoloid and u got yourself a mini gloid. Nature sucks. Deal with it.
The fact is, babies are almost always ugly, and thats OK. Not everyone is perfect. Just don't expect me to comment on how beautiful your baby is when it looks like a Ball Bag with eyes. If you're feeling down about your babies wonky eye and terrible bone structure just look at it this way... imagine how good the plastic surgeons will be when your kid is grown.
#2 DOES HATING BLACK PORN MAKE ME RACIST?
I hate black porn. Whenever there is a black guy in a porno i turn it off immediately. Why is that? Does that make me racist? I feel like you have to have some kind of weird fetish to enjoy watching black people have sex in a porn. I think black people are beautiful creative, funny, loving, great people. I wanted to be black until i was about 16. they were just always cooler than me. but i cant watch them F. I just can't. You know the stereotype that black people are too loud in the movie theater...well i have never experienced it in a theater but its definitely the case in porn... how the hell am i supposed to concentrate when Anaconda Jones is yellin at this broad who looks like she is being robbed. And do the black guys really have to have such big.dicks. Like, when i watch it, it makes me wonder what women really think about me... if it is possible to get that huge thing into that little girl, then i am literally throwing a hot dog down a hallway when i have sex. It is embarrassing, but it's a good wake up call i guess. black porn... it scares me and i don't like it at all.
#3. PRE-SEX PANEL.
We have a lot of people in the world already.. i think its time to discuss.Selective Breeding. In fact, i think we are way late on this front. I recently had to sit in a meeting with a gigantic broad, who looked like she smelled. When u look like you smell, you just shouldn't be here. And it would have been fine if on top of everything else she wasn't such a complete egotistical bitch. i was 1 second away from saying "hey huskypants...u probably have gigantic nipples and a terrible crotch. stop being such a c**t" but i cant say that...
So i propose that no baby can be born into the world without a pre-sex panel OKing the parents. Each person should go through a test to determine if it is ok for them to procreate and like a car registration, they will have to get inspected every couple years. If they fail the genetics test they will then take a "fit parents" test in which this panel of people will determine of they can raise an adopted baby. and if they fail that then, sorry, get a F'ing cat u idiot. I can think of at least 30 people who should have never been born maybe even more if i really put some elbow grease into it.
Getting to the point, if we restrict what people put into their bodies, then we need to start restricting what comes out of them... China kinda gets it.
And the following are texts i received when i asked my friends...
"What are some things you would say if you knew the world was ending tomorrow..."
- "Princess Diana led the paparazzi on"
-"My grandpa told me Jesus was killed because he wanted to marry a black girl... I've never told anyone that"
-"Melissa Joan Hart gave me my first semi."
-"Rhianna kinda deserved it.... dont get me wrong.. id still bang her."
-"I want to bang teenage alex mac then leave through the ladder"
-"Fapping to Olympic gymnastics is acceptable"
-"Roosavelt was a f'ing dickhead...".
-"Roosavelt was a f'ing dickhead...".
-"Clinton was our first black president...because he slang that dick"
- "after my wife gave birth. I slipped a $100 to the doctor for an extra stitch".
-"The mom from Home improvement was most likely a 'Face Sitter'."
-"I masturbate to the kill scenes in Scream 3"
-"My mom didnt let me watch Fresh Prince because she said it "gave me the wrong idea about blacks"
Thaaats enough for today.
sorry if this post offended you...